Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
