I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
