She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
