the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
