If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
