Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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