is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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