Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
