i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
