my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
