Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
