where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we made out on top of his cat.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
