Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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