So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
