she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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