I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
