I wish I could teleport
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
