i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
