I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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