im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
