can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
