At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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