I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
