I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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