I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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