Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
