sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
God I need to hump something, right now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
