I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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