mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
