Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
