My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
PANTIES FOUND
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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