Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
