I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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