Im at strip club and am horny
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I miss vodka workout Fridays
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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