we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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