i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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