Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
