so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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