there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
