if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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