No awkward lesbian experiences without me
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
