looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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