Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
