I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
