Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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