Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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