I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
