if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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