I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
