Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My vagina is officially offended.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
