On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
