are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
